Ranma's Cursed First Valentines Day
by Serenity Hidden
Summary: Some days it just wasn't worth getting out of bed. Take today, the day he dreaded most out of the whole year, Valentines Day. Days like these were truly the days he KNEW that real curse wasn't to be an aqua-transsexual.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Ranma 1/2

Cursed First Kisses

Ranma cursed as he fled from one rooftop to the next. Some days it just wasn't worth getting out of bed. Take today, the day he dreaded most out of the whole year, Valentines Day. Days like these were truly the days he KNEW he was cursed for sure.

During his years of life on the road, women had always thrown themselves at him. Then, it used to be because he was so darn cute. Now it was because he was handsome and charismatic, (so said some of his one-shot fiancés, not that it mattered to Akane.)

On those types of days, he knew that his curse wasn't to be a girl, but to be a pretty girl. For heaven's sakes, now he had GUY suitors as well as the fiancés constantly chasing him! Not to mention the amounts of chocolate that would be crammed down his throat besides all the chocolates that would be demanded of his girl side. He would be constantly hunted for all of Valentine's Day, and White Day was sure to be even worse, with all the girl's guilt-tripping him to give them chocolate. No, no he would definitely have to run away for all of the deadly month of February. Maybe he could follow Ryoga and get good and lost for the month?

~*~*~

It had all started that morning, when the smell of charring cacao had alerted him that Akane had made a batch of chocolate. When she came charging out of the kitchen with a batch of them on a platter, he had known that he had better start running. But noooo, his own father had grabbed him and mercilessly held him down.

"Be a man Ranma," Genma had grunted as Ranma squirmed, "And take your chocolates." Soun had then jumped into the fray to keep Ranma from fleeing.

"Come on son," Soun had grunted, "Do it for Akane."

"I don't wanna," Ranma had opened his mouth to yell and promptly had 3 chocolates stuffed into his mouth. With a satisfied look on her face, Akane had stood back to watch. The rest of the household, who by that time had been drawn by the commotion, had held their breath as they waited to see if Ranma would survive Akane's cooking this time. Even though Ranma had endured gods on steroids and super powered challenger, it was always a toss-up if he would survive Akane's cooking, since on occasion Akane would transform Kasumi's kitchen into the lab of a mad scientist and cook up something that moved. Anyway, no one would have bet on his survival, despite Nabiki's best efforts. As Ranma's face turned red, they watched….


	2. Chapter 2

And heaved a collective sigh of relief as Ranma swallowed and began to cough. Nabiki closed her eyes in relief as Ranma, sputtering, demanded to know just what had been in those things. She wouldn't have wanted to lose her cash cow, particularly as the demand for both boy and girl side pictures was picking up just in time for Valentine's Day.

Akane replied indignantly, "They're truffles, and since it took a lot of work for me to make these I'll thank you not to insult them, womanizing pervert!"

Ranma blazed up, "What did you call me?"

"I called you a womanizing pervert!"

"Look, that's Happosai's territory and I'm not a womanizer!" Just then a purple haired girl came flying over the fence on her bicycle. "Airen!" Shampoo cried, and glomped onto Ranma. As Ranma stiffened up, not wanting to incur Akane's wrath, Akane started to blaze up.

"Point in case." she growled.

Producing the ki hammer of doom, she swung and drilled him six feet into the ground. "Ranma no BAKA!"

Climbing out of the hole in the ground, Ranma gingerly untangled himself form Shampoo's grasp and promptly collapsed onto the ground.

"Oh my," Kasumi said and hurried over to see if her medical training would finally be of some use. Examining his pupils, which were pinpricks, she quickly turned him over and started to press upon his chest. Nabiki wandered over, wondering why Ranma didn't just get up from the treatment that he received practically every day. As Kasumi continued her ministrations, Ranma gasped, sat up and started to vomit.

Akane turned around at the sounds and witnessed Ranma throwing up what looked like sewage, and smelled like it too. Her eyes widening, she hurried over just in time to see Ranma give a final heave and produce 3 lumps of dark brown.

Nabiki turned to Akane and gave her a sharp look. "Just what did you put in those truffles?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Ummm…" Akane squirmed under Nabiki's sharp gaze. "I can't quite remember. I think that there were mushrooms, and a cup of sugar, and umm…."

"And knowing you, you probably put a cup of salt in instead."

"Hey, I'm not that bad…" She trailed off, ashamed under her sister's gaze. "Okay maybe I am."

"Oh dear," Kasumi said looking worried, "Maybe I shouldn't have left Akane in the kitchen with those unusual mushrooms."

They all gulped. Akane had been left without supervision in the same kitchen with weird mushrooms?!

Genma began to cry. "Oh Ranma," he sobbed pulling a skull out of nowhere, "I knew him well."

Ranma attempted to smack him, but Genma was able to nimbly dodge the blow. Unfortunately for him, he dodged into the area where a familiar cane was descending.

"Old… Ghoul," Ranma groaned, "What are you doing here?"

"Well I just got here since Kasumi called me about those questionable mushrooms." She hopped over to where Ranma was trying to stand. "From the looks of you, I'd say you got hit by extra ordinary mushrooms."

"Extraordinary mushrooms?" they cried.

"No, Cologne replied, "extra ordinary mushrooms. They make you completely average. Luckily for him, he threw them up right away. The effect should only last for about a day. Don't worry; it could be a lot worse."

"How could it be worse?" Genma cried. "My son is a weakling!"

"Gee thanks for the votes of confidence, Pops. The old ghoul just said it'd only but a day." He said ignoring the by-now-expected thwack of wood on his head for the ghoul comment.

"That's right son-in-law, tomorrow on the 15th of February, your abilities will be restored."  
"Wait a minute," Ranma said, turning white as a sheet, "You mean that today's… Valentines Day!"

"Baka," Akane said, no longer able to hold her tongue, "Of course today's Valentine's Day. Wait a minute, how do you even know that Valentines Day is the 14th of February?"

"You'd remember too if it was a day of suffering and glomping! Gotta run, gotta hide. Okay Ranma calm down. You've survived before, you'll survive again." They watched Ranma pace as he talked to himself.

"You know Soun," Genma commented, "I think the boy's finally lost it."


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for giving me the needed kick in the pants to update this goes to Foxstar-WarriorsFan101.

I don't own Ranma. If I did, I would be the one to marry him.

* * *

"Airen! That mean today Shampoo get to marry you!" Shampoo cried in her usual third-person. She glomped onto him again while everyone else was staring in disbelief. She had gotten up much faster then anyone could have expected from Akane's 'Punishing Perverts' attack. "And we get to have wedding here!"

"Oh no you don't," a (slightly deranged) voice cried from the roof of the house. "Today is the day I get married to my sweet Ranma." In her usual skimpy gymnast's outfit, Kodachi Kuno stood on the peak of the roof, twirling her 'Black Rose' ribbon.

Nabiki started counting. "1, 2, 3…"

"No my dear sister, I forbid it." Appearing out of the blue on the roof of the house a yard away from his sister, Kuno struck a pose. "For I, Tatewaki Kuno shall smite the evil fiend you so desire and free my beloved Akane Tendo and the pigtailed goddess."

"Not so, brother dear. For I am determined to marry him and even if you are family I shall not tolerate any that stand in my way!" She shrieked, turning the tip of her ribbon menacingly in his direction.

"You no ignore Shampoo!" the purple-haired girl asserted. Leaping up onto the roof easily, the two girls circled, eyeing each other. Shampoo took out her bonbori, and Kodachi pulled out her razor-edged hoop. Both ignored the ranting Kuno in the background.

Meanwhile, as the catfight was gearing up, Ranma ran inside and came out carrying a huge pack on his shoulders. He attempted to sneak out the back door, but was cornered by Nabiki before he could escape. Holding two kettles in her hands, she shoved them in his face.

"All right, listen up. Until now I've let you slide because you're amusing, but it's got to stop. All this property damage is raising our insurance to unbelievable heights. Not to mention that you're leading my little sister on. Now I expect you to pick ONE fiancé, just one, to marry by the end of this week."

Ranma paled. Picking one fiancé, although he knew which one he wanted, would instantly make her a target of all the other fiancés collective ire, and although Akane was able to nail him with her mallet, he knew that she was the weakest of the regular fiancés.

"Um…. What happens if I refuse?"

"Bad things. You don't want to go there." Nabiki smiled predatorily. "You see, if you don't, I'll pour cold water on you and sell you to Kuno for a hundred thousand yen. He's good for it and you owe us money anyway for all the collateral damage."

Ranma gulped. He didn't even want to think what Kuno would try to do to him on the most romantic day of the year, Valentine's Day, when he already had enough trouble with him on every other day of the year. He shivered. But on the other hand, even he wouldn't be able to shield Akane from all the fiancés, there were simply too many of them. Heck, he still suspected there were others out there that Pop hadn't told him about. 'And wouldn't this be a time for one of them to show up' he thought glumly. But he screwed up his courage and took the leap. "I ….


	5. Chapter 5

"Oh look," he cried, "There's a pile of yen over there!"  
"Huh! Where?" Nabiki looked about wildly as Ranma made his escape. "Oh no you don't, Ranma! Just for that, you have until the end of today to decide!" she cried as she chased him down the street, slowing down to watch him roofhop quickly out of sight. "Oh, darn! He got away… Hey girls! Your future husband is getting away!" She watched in amusement as Akane turned red with rage. Shampoo sighed as she stowed her bonbori in preparation to pursue her Airen, "No good lousy cook frighten Airen away! You regret it later."  
Akane turned a new shade of purple, "Oh yeah, maybe he didn't want to see your ugly face!"  
"You pay for that! Shampoo will kill uncute fiancé and keep Ranma all to myself! Ranma no need wife that can't cook!" Shampoo retorted over her shoulder as she ran after Ranma's retreating form.  
"Why you no good slut! Get back here!" Akane yelled as she chased after them both.  
Soun sighed and turned to Genma as the stone wall around the compound collapsed into a pile of dust. "Tea, Genma?"  
The panda bear held up a sign. "Yes please!"  
"Hello? Is Ranma-chan here? I have a…" Ukyo called as she came around the corner of the house. "Wow, what happened here?" she asked as she looked around at the murky pond, the pile of rubble that was all that was left of the destroyed section of wall, the tiles that had cascaded down onto the grass from the rooftop confrontation, and the destroyed foliage.  
The panda held up a sign. "Most of the Fiancé Brigade happened. This just is just the collateral damage." He flipped the sign around. "Basically, Akane made Ranma eat her chocolate, all the regulars showed up except you, Ranma ran away, and Shampoo insulted Akane for her looks and cooking."  
A torrent of hot water was poured over him by a thoughtful Kasumi and Genma reverted back to his normal human form. "That was about it right Tendo?"  
"You are correct as usual Saotome. Except, as it is on a much greater magnitude as it is Valentine's Day."  
"Gahh! I knew I was forgetting something! Of course, today's Valentine's Day. I'll just have to go and prove my love is the strongest!" She turned to leave, and then with a sheepish grin, turned back around and asked, "By the way, which way did they leave?"  
They both silently pointed to the east.  
"Okay, thanks, bye."  
"But wait!" Genma called after her. "It might be a better idea if…" His words were lost to her over the wind.


End file.
